Your story is a powerful reminder of the processes some of us have to go through.
I lost my father at age 11, and I, like you, clammed up. My mother was just not able to handle the loss and continue being a mother and now also a father.
Even then I was to some extent estranged from my older sister. She had been daddy’s girl, and I was considered mommy’s girl.

What also hurt me was that my father died during summer holiday from school. When school restarted, nobody said anything. Another girl from my class had lost her father a few month prior, and all had gone either to the funeral or condoled her in class.
For me – silence. I clammed up and shut the door to feelings and sharing.

Thanks for bringing such an important subject into the open. We can all learn from this.

Warmly,
Ronda